2008: The Words, The Pictures, The Tomfoolery

Warning: this review of the year contains exclusive images and video footage which may excite your eyes and mind.

Happy New Year! Professionally shrieking, 2008 was a damn fine 12 months. 2009 will be even better, but I'll remember 2008 as a li'l gem. Here are some of the reasons why...

In February, my first short film Look At Me received its London premiere. This was probably the most exciting and overwhelming night of the year - not least because so many good people turned up to see the film which Dan Turner directed and I wrote. It was also tremendous when then-Torchwood-showrunner Chris Chibnall called me a "mad, brilliant bastard" after viewing it, while one Russell T Davies called it "one of the most chilling things I've seen". Job done.

Here's a never-before-seen interview with actress Kimberly Williams (nee Butler), from the set of Look At Me, in which she reveals what it's really like to work with director Dan Turner:



In April, I was in Doctor Who, which was utterly mental. Only for two seconds, mind, but nevertheless I was in Doctor Who. Can't get much better than that. Here I am in the make-up trailer, and on set with a UNIT soldier threatening to blow my brains out:



Nice. The year saw me attending various top-notch events - chief among them being, of course, the Screenwriters' Festival 2008. Piers and I hosted a very successful pre-event Scribomeet on June 30, which was tremendous fun, and hopefully something we can repeat in '09. Oh, and here's a little video-treat of TV's James Moran talking about showrunners on a stage alongside Tony Jordan, Barbara Machin and Philip Shelley (who would all prove invaluable to me, thanks to the Red Planet Prize, inspiration and great notes respectively):



Then there was the whirlwind fun of Cannes 2008 (big lesson learnt there: during a meeting, don't point out typos... on anything); the San Sebastian Horror & Fantasy Festival; and the Edinburgh TV Festival. Here's a lovely moment when Dan Turner and I arrived at an Edinburgh party, only to be confronted by two big fellas:



Perhaps the most ludicrous moment of the year can be seen on the following video, during my time at the brilliant Fantasticfest in Austin, Texas, along with TV's James Moran, writer/editor Jay Slater and director Sean Hogan, plus our gracious host Eric from the festival. We were driving to a shooting range, while banjo-twanging country music played on the radio. To complete the picture, I seem to be laughing like some kind of hillbilly. Utterly preposterous.



Of course, I got a lot of writing done too. Not as much as I'm going to do in 2009, but a fair bit. My proudest achievement here was writing the first draft of the film Blood Red Sky in five-and-a-half days. A feat of near-Barronian proportions. And frankly, that first draft turned out pretty well. The latest draft is well on its way, too, so I'm really hoping that BRS gets shot next year.

There was further development work on The Accidental Serial Killer; a new TV spec by the name of Happy Ever After, which has attracted the attention of industry folk and garnered some good feedback; another TV spec called The God Exclusive; a short called The Good Magician; various scripts for the TV sketch show Splendid (another 2009 contender and a really exciting prospect); and the pilot episode for my series Undying, which has made the finals of the Red Planet Prize. Hearing this news was, unsurprisingly, another major highlight of my year, to say the very least.

I bagged my first script-editor credit, on Dan Turner's short Big Mistake. The cast & crew screening was another year highlight.

I embarked on the road to my first BBC credit, by impressing the good folk behind Radio 4 sketch show Recorded For Training Purposes. It seems that at least one of my sketches will be performed before a studio audience in the coming weeks. Provided they laugh, I'll be laughing too, like some kind of drain.

I had my first piece of official Doctor Who fiction published, in Big Finish's hardback collection Doctor Who Short Trips: Christmas Around The World. Seriously thrilling.

I kept a few toes in the journalistic pool, interviewing the likes of Piers Morgan, Dermot O'Leary, David Morrissey and Matt Di Angelo for heat magazine and continuing to contribute to Doctor Who Magazine (although from June onwards, I made the tough decision to take on much less reporting work). Also reserved some exclusive interviews for this very blog, because I love you: Doctor Who's incoming showrunner Steven Moffat; Peep Show writers Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong; and Human Nature creator Toby Whithouse.

2008 was a great year for TV - not least because genre continued to make its presence felt. Apparitions, Survivors, Demons (starts ITV, Jan 3) and Merlin, plus of course the continued success of Who, Torchwood, The Sarah Jane Adventures and Primeval, are all are very encouraging signs that this is a playground where I can really feel at home. Other great series continued to have me raring for a shot at them, including Hustle (Series Five starts soon - and it's great, despite the cast shuffle), Spooks, Waking The Dead, Wire In The Blood, Hollyoaks, Doctors (Vivien's rape story was incredibly strong and brave), Silent Witness and good old EastEnders.

This year, I continued to love-love-love the scribosphere community - for inspiration, encouragement and social value. Here are just a few of my favourite Sweet Christ, That's Useful posts from the year, in no particular order:

James Moran's Fifth Blogday Revelations, in which he shares a mountain of insight which he really should have saved for an e-book in, like, 2016.

James Moran's Two Weeks In The Life. A real careful-what-you-wish-for post - this is what it's going to be like, folks.

Phill Barron's Lift/Career Metaphor, which is very good to bear in mind. See Also: the Screenwriter As Amoeba section of Adrian Mead's excellent Making It As A Screenwriter e-book.

Lucy Vee's handy Research Or Die series.

Danny Stack's 10-Step Screenwriting Guide - a one-stop shop for Stackly wisdom.

Robin Kelly's Guide To The First 10 Minutes Of TV Pilots. Lord Kelly deserves an extra toast, I think, for being The Gift That Keeps On Giving, all year 'round. He collates shards of screenwriting wisdom, newspaper reviews, curios, trinkets and eccentric music choices, so that you don't have to. And whereas I and most others spend the year blathering on about their work and their progress, it's a rare moment when The Kelly talks about himself. Here's to the great man. Clink.

So, then. 2009. I have plenty of resolutions, but they're staying inside my head. And on the sheet of A4 pinned to my desk's noticeboard. I'll tell you two things - there are a lot of them, and I'll be doing a lot of typing this year. I'll also be watching a great deal of old Doctor Who, as part of the Four Year Mission to which Piers, Dan and John 'Caution' Harrison have also signed up.

As the endlessly inspirational Dan Turner evocatively wrote to me in an e-mail this afternoon: "Grab ALL your guns, sir. We going shooting..."

Yee, and indeed, hawwwwww!

I shall leave you with the highlight of last night's all-new Shooting Stars show. George Dawes, singing the already-legendary Innovations. During the year, I was memed with the task of presenting a song which sums up writing. I failed to find one. Until now. This, for me, is it. Good day to you.

What The Dickens Have Piers & I Been Up To?

Mild Spooks Series 7 Episode 7 Spoiler within...

Lord Piers Beckley has a play on, at The Lion & Unicorn Theatre in Kentish Town - his adaptation of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Get your tickets here. I went along to see it on press night, and enjoyed both the performance and Piers' delight in seeing his script come alive thanks to some splendid acting.

Now, I'm not much of a theatre guy. For some reason, I prefer a screen between me and actors acting. Still, the Lion & Unicorn is a really cool li'l theatre above a nice big pub, and Piers has done a bang-up job on the classic festive tale, aided by some really creative work by director Ray Shell. Here's Piers with the show's main man, Scrooge himself, Edward Kingham:


And with Mr Bob Cratchit, Joe Shefer:


And again, reacting to producer George Sallis saying, "Christ, I've just realised - we forgot the third ghost!"


For me, it was a splendidly Christmassy evening in a fairly long run of Christmassy evenings. The night before, I attended writer Jay Slater and director Sean Hogan's Christmas drinks in central London, where it was great to catch up with old faces and meet some new ones. Here I am with Psychotronic Tony and an utterly sober Slater...


And with The Zombie Diaries' lovely actress Sophia Ellis:


Ooh, and TV's James Moran was there! In this picture, the gentleman on the left is enquiring why there was any need for Harry Pearce to be arrested by a full SWAT team in Lord James' Spooks episode. Seconds later, the irate scribe hoisted the poor inquisitive knave towards the ceiling and energetically nailed him there, shrieking, "That'll teach you, you fucknut!".


I thought I'd managed to navigate my way through the evening without getting too drunk. A couple of days later, though, I realised that this was not the case. I received an e-mail from a writer who I met for the first time on the night, and remembered having a nice chat with. He ended his otherwise breezy e-mail with: "Before I sign off, here's a networking tip: get to know someone for more than 60 seconds before giving them, however well-intended, the epithet 'lumbering lummox'."

It's a fair point, well made. Still, not all my evenings have been purely booze-fuelled and futile - the other night I attended a meeting thrown by the good people of Radio 4 sketch-show Recorded For Training Purposes. A little while back, they had an open call for sketch submissions, and I threw a couple their way. Joyously, I was one of 15-or-so writers out of 1500 whose work they liked enough to invite to this meeting. It was a very positive get-together, which gave us all plenty of praise, handy tips and honest advice, with the promise of paid work in the New Year. Good stuff.

I'll probably write more about this promising development, and any updates, on the other side of Christmas. So, if I don't shriek to you again beforehand, have the most insanely delightful yuletide experience available to humanity. Good day.

Big Mistake: Cast & Crew Screening

Remember when I said that the previous post might be my last before Christmas? Well, it clearly was not. Last night, Dan Turner threw a cast 'n' crew bash for his new short, Big Mistake. He wrote and directed it, I script-edited it and lots of wonderfully talent people helped make it. In the above photo, neither actress Ty Glaser nor actor/writer/radio-fella Richard Glover were involved with Big Mistake, but aren't they gorgeous? Furthermore, Ty starred in Dan's previous short Go My Way. Richard starred in Look At Me, which I scripted, and has also formed the sketch show Splendid with Dan. Nice. Anyway, back to Big Mistake...


The screening was held at Soho's De Lane Lea rooms, and immediately lent glamour by the presence of a Tunis cake. Dan and I had long feared this spongy, chocolatey, marzipanny festive treat to be a thing of the past, but one was spotted in a Tesco's and promptly ferried to the screening, even featuring in Dan's pre-screening speech. Tremendous.


Here, we see BM focus puller Rich Swingle take a manful bite as Dan solemnly documents the occasion:


It was great to see Big Mistake on the big screen, and it looked great. I certainly felt proud to have been a part of it. Strange, of course, to walk into a comfy screening room, watch a film for five minutes and then walk out again, but Dan doesn't believe in doing things by halves. Crucially, the short's two present actors. Matthew Judd and Jordan Pitt, seemed very happy with it. Here they are, with Dan, being very happy with it:



If you weren't at the screening, then dry those eyes and head over here to watch Big Mistake in its online glory. Just follow the Big Mistake link on that homepage. Dan's also planning to examine Big Mistake's genesis from script to screen, on his blog, so keep an eye out for that, you beautiful petunia, you.

Doctor Who Magazine: The Return

One of the greatest sacrifices I made this year was forsaking Doctor Who Magazine work, in order to concentrate on scripting - with the result that I haven't had any writing in the mag since June. In November, though, I was very pleased to find time to write a Review Of The Year piece for DWM, which is in the festive issue out today.

This may well be my last pre-Christmas blog post. So if I don't shriek to you again beforehand, have the finest Christmas available to humanity! See you on the other side.

When Bloggers Attack The Bar

God, I love writers. Weirdly, when you introduce two directors to each other, they'll often look distinctly wary. Why, you might as well place a cat next to a dog. Writers, however, are a different matter. We love to share our stories of pain, delight and displacement. Why, you might as well place a cat next to a cat, then throw in some cream.

Some stalwart members of the blogosphere post pictures of themselves. Some don't. So you may occasionally be left wondering what the latter bunch look like - and will therefore enjoy the following photos. Yes, a load of bloggers got together for a Christmas booze-fest the other day, and I captured some of their souls with a modern-day device. It was a truly overwhelming night - everywhere you looked, there was a brilliant person. Really hard to know who to talk to next. A few of the attendees who somehow managed to escape my roving lens of doom were David Lemon and his good lady Rachel, Katharine Way and Sarah Olley. The crafty geese.

First up, here's master Oli, all the way from Devon. Oli's looking justifiably delighted, because he's just had a very good day in London. Which he still hasn't revealed the details of on his blog, so I shan't here.


The early part of the evening was sadly marred by an angry debate about exactly how big the average adult baboon's head might be. Here's Stevyn throwing in his two penn'orth, as Piers and Janet look on, disgruntled and positively itching to have their say:


The delightful Lara spent much of the night at a 45-degree angle, which was initially a shock, but we soon made allowances. Here, we see Lord Perry manfully stepping up to the plate and keeping the good lady propped.


Next, we see a sad example of the kind of bitching which is rife in the scribosphere. The evil Baron Von Barronhausen and The Stack Attack are quite literally talking behind Paul's back here, calling him a greedy bastard for having both an EastEnders and a Holby airing on April 21, 2009. Paul's fully aware of what they're saying and maintains a brave face, but the pain is all too evident:


Ultimately, however, it's all too much. When his fellow writers start slagging off his "silly writing shed", Paul moves over to talk to Piers and Janice about Phill and Danny, while furiously necking a pint like it's mere orange juice.


Ahhhhh, the lovely Michelle! The Brighton-based scribe has a remarkable idiosyncrasy - whenever she consumes her 27th pint, she starts to hallucinate ants. Here, we see her happily pointing out two of them, while Phill pretends not to hear and attempts to keep a straight face...


... but ultimately fails.


Here's cheeky Lara again (and Nick, loitering), still at 45-degrees after consuming everything on this table. Shortly after this picture was taken, she did a little 45-degrees dance for us. I've never seen the like in all my born days:


All ludicrous things must sadly come to an end. Here's Stevyn, waving goodbye to you. He's only going to the Gents, but he likes to wave.


And here's Lara again, magically upright thanks to an elaborate pulley system suspended from the ceiling. The landlord helped us rig it up, fearing that if she never left, he might run out of gin. She's waving goodbye too! Oh, and look: there's the tops of the David and Rachel's craniums.


But hold on, Stevyn and Lara: we can't let you get away that easily. Come on, just one last pose - perhaps with just a soupcon of camp thrown in? Could you? Indulge us. It's Christmas! Ah, there we go. That's the business:


Piers, however, is not amused:

This Is Your Life

Very mild Fight Club spoiler follows.

In April, I took Bill Bryson's A Short History Of Nearly Everything on holiday with me. Big hardback edition. Halfway through the trip, I leant back in a nice hotel chair, opened it up and started reading the Introduction. Page One.

Before reaching the end of Page One, I slammed the book shut. My blood had run cold. And I read no more. Still haven't. In fact, I was so traumatised that it's taken me eight months to write about it here.

Here's why: Bill casually points out that "even a long human life amounts to little more than 650,000 hours."

650,000 hours? Christ. Thanks, Bill. That really doesn't sound like a lot, if you ask me. Especially when you deduct the number of hours you've already had.

Now, gentle reader, I'm not trying to depress you as the weekend kicks in. No, quite the opposite. As much as drifting along, thinking life's going to stretch on forever, is a beautiful and indeed essential kind of complacency, sometimes it's good to remember that Fight Club quote: "This is your life... and it's ending one minute at a time."

That whole ethos is one of the reasons why Fight Club's one of my favourite films/books. Who can forget Raymond K Hessel, the petrol station worker who gets dragged out back and held at gunpoint, then walks away with a new appreciation for life? Tomorrow's breakfast will be the greatest breakfast he ever had. Sometimes I think most of us could do with being held at gunpoint by Tyler Durden, to drum some self-awareness into us.

So this weekend, why not do something you've never done before, or had been putting off? Unless it's murder, or setting fire to my flat, seize the moment. Where, in a very real sense, is the harm?

Sketch Armageddon

We had another Splendid sketch show meeting last night. Cor blimey, it was a massacre. People left the Century club with arms and/or legs missing, with their sketches rammed down their throats.

As I mentioned the other day, our process involves everyone reading everyone else's printed sketch scripts, then offering feedback and voting Yes or No in a X Factor fashion. Some scripts are earmarked for another draft, however, so it's not all either Failure or Glorious Victory.

We were all quite brutal with each other, but you have to be, to keep the quality consistent. It's also indicative, I think, that we're becoming more comfortable as a group. You only hurt the ones you love.

Splendid. Good day to you.

Happy Birthday, Shooting People

Yes, the indie filmmaking community website celebrates its tenth birthday. I was lucky enough to win a subscription to useful US industry mag Variety, just for wishing them a happy birthday in ten words - and they have more delights to give members. If you sign up before December 10, incidentally, you get ten weeks for free.

Two other quick things! Jon Peacey's also a Red Planet finalist, making twelve bloggers who made it in. We rock. Also: have you seen this special writers' edition of Charlie Brooker's Screenw-- Oh. You have. Good. Well done.

Twelve Things A-Happening!

On the first day of Christmas, my true love kicked me in the nuts. But that's another story. Here, for your delight and astonishment, are a dozen vaguely festive morsels. Nine good, one sad-but-celebratory, then another two good ones to end on. Where to begin, hmmm? In no particular order:

1) My full Red Planet Prize script, Undying, has long been submitted for the finals. Thanks to everyone who helped me shape it, over the last few months, into what I now reckon is my best work – the one who read several drafts and gave splendid notes; the one who made me lose one of my favourite lines; the one who helped me turn a clunky, creaking plot-point into a well-oiled beauty; and the one who swore at me a lot (okay, yes, that was Phill). While it would naturally be insanely incredible to win, I’ve realised that my Number One goal is to show RP supremo Tony Jordan that I can write. If I can achieve that, I’ll be delighted. So let’s see. There are 72 finalists, but I’m not thinking in terms of odds – it’s not a lottery. If any of the other 71 scripts are better than mine, then I won’t win. Simple as that. And while I'm waiting, I'm going to write another script.

2) Doctor Who Short Trips: Christmas Around The World, the collection of short stories to which I’ve contributed, is quite literally out now. Your yuletide experience will not be the same without it. My story's called Christmas Every Day, and involves people being eaten. TV’s James Moran’s in this tremendous tome too, temporarily becoming The Literary World’s James Moran in the process. His story is a thing of beauty, my friends. And wasn't his Spooks episode a belter? Ooh yes.

3) Lo and behold, I have my first Script Editor credit, on a nifty new short film called Big Mistake. I’ll let its writer/director Dan Turner tell you all about that when he’s good and ready, but it was very instructive and fulfilling to follow the project from start to finish - especially as with Dan being such a can-do dynamo, it happened like a click of the fingers.

4) The sketch show Splendid, run by Dan Turner and actor/writer/radio host Richard Glover, becomes increasingly exciting. We had a meeting a few weeks ago which was simultaneously nerve-wracking and thrilling. Picture this: several writers around a table, each with print-outs of their sketch-scripts. Each sketch gets passed around in turn, then is discussed and placed on either a Yes, No or Maybe pile. As you might imagine, this process can generate a fair bit of anxiety – hence the small vat of red wine I consumed as the evening went on, despite doing rather well with my own efforts. It reminded me of the 1988 Chevy Chase film Funny Farm, which every writer should see. There’s a scene where he gives his novel manuscript to his wife to read (as a wrapped present!), then sits there, watching her every reaction. “What are you doing?” he protests, as she turns a page. “That was a big laugh, right there!”

5) My TV spec script Happy Ever After has been receiving favourable responses from the great and good. Comments have included “it is always really useful to know writers who clearly love a particular genre” (in this case, horror), “a cracking read”, “absolute page turner, good sense of jeopardy and wit” and “the best damn thing I’ve ever read.” Admittedly, that last one was me.

6) Look At Me plays Hollywood next year! Yes, the short which I wrote and Dan Turner directed is playing the British Film Fest in May. I am very much liking those apples.

7) Apparitions has become my favourite new drama series of the year, by a fair old margin. Martin Shaw proves he’s underrated as an actor, bringing an infectiously subtle presence to the freaky proceedings. Once upon a time, you could have easily taken the Pepsi Challenge with BBC One and Channel 4 shows, guessing which were which. These days, the likes of Apparitions, with its countless taboo topics, bloody murder and untold blasphemy, are mixing it right up.

8) Developments are afoot on what will hopefully be Dan Turner and I's next film collaboration, the feature Blood Red Sky. I delivered a new draft over the last few weeks, which is drawing us ever closer to our desired feast of scares, shocks and people's faces exploding.

9) The Screenwriters’ Festival have announced their 2009 dates! Now, while the event is one of my very favourite things in the calendar, I must confess to being gutted that the next SWF is in October. This is for the best reasons, though – I just don’t want to have to wait another 10 months for it.

10) Before launching fully into the Christmas spirit, I always spare a whole load of thoughts for Ray Palmer. Legendary rock photographer, champion drinker and an utter charmer, Ray was one of my very best friends. Of course, the past tense will have given the game away there: Ray died six years ago today, whereupon I created a tribute site for him here. I’m going for a drink later, and every last one will be in his honour. Especially the sixth. Here’s to Ray Palmer. Clink.

11) Last night, I dreamt that I was in M Night Shyamalan's underrated film The Happening. Or, rather, in the situation: a world being torn apart by an invisible enemy. It was terrifying, seemed to last as long as the film itself and even threw in new details when people started turning into plants. I found myself wishing I'd mastered Piers' intriguing lucid dreaming technique, as then I could have flown or had sex, rather than frantically beg loved ones not to go off in the city by themselves.

12) Six must-read posts on the blogosphere, as we shriek, are Danny 'Stackman Crothers' Stack's illuminating ruminations on Reading, Writing, Networking, Being An Industry Insider, Getting An Agent and Discipline. If you haven't already, then please read them with the ocular orbs in your head which Satan bestowed upon you.

Good day!