When Bloggers Attack The Bar

God, I love writers. Weirdly, when you introduce two directors to each other, they'll often look distinctly wary. Why, you might as well place a cat next to a dog. Writers, however, are a different matter. We love to share our stories of pain, delight and displacement. Why, you might as well place a cat next to a cat, then throw in some cream.

Some stalwart members of the blogosphere post pictures of themselves. Some don't. So you may occasionally be left wondering what the latter bunch look like - and will therefore enjoy the following photos. Yes, a load of bloggers got together for a Christmas booze-fest the other day, and I captured some of their souls with a modern-day device. It was a truly overwhelming night - everywhere you looked, there was a brilliant person. Really hard to know who to talk to next. A few of the attendees who somehow managed to escape my roving lens of doom were David Lemon and his good lady Rachel, Katharine Way and Sarah Olley. The crafty geese.

First up, here's master Oli, all the way from Devon. Oli's looking justifiably delighted, because he's just had a very good day in London. Which he still hasn't revealed the details of on his blog, so I shan't here.


The early part of the evening was sadly marred by an angry debate about exactly how big the average adult baboon's head might be. Here's Stevyn throwing in his two penn'orth, as Piers and Janet look on, disgruntled and positively itching to have their say:


The delightful Lara spent much of the night at a 45-degree angle, which was initially a shock, but we soon made allowances. Here, we see Lord Perry manfully stepping up to the plate and keeping the good lady propped.


Next, we see a sad example of the kind of bitching which is rife in the scribosphere. The evil Baron Von Barronhausen and The Stack Attack are quite literally talking behind Paul's back here, calling him a greedy bastard for having both an EastEnders and a Holby airing on April 21, 2009. Paul's fully aware of what they're saying and maintains a brave face, but the pain is all too evident:


Ultimately, however, it's all too much. When his fellow writers start slagging off his "silly writing shed", Paul moves over to talk to Piers and Janice about Phill and Danny, while furiously necking a pint like it's mere orange juice.


Ahhhhh, the lovely Michelle! The Brighton-based scribe has a remarkable idiosyncrasy - whenever she consumes her 27th pint, she starts to hallucinate ants. Here, we see her happily pointing out two of them, while Phill pretends not to hear and attempts to keep a straight face...


... but ultimately fails.


Here's cheeky Lara again (and Nick, loitering), still at 45-degrees after consuming everything on this table. Shortly after this picture was taken, she did a little 45-degrees dance for us. I've never seen the like in all my born days:


All ludicrous things must sadly come to an end. Here's Stevyn, waving goodbye to you. He's only going to the Gents, but he likes to wave.


And here's Lara again, magically upright thanks to an elaborate pulley system suspended from the ceiling. The landlord helped us rig it up, fearing that if she never left, he might run out of gin. She's waving goodbye too! Oh, and look: there's the tops of the David and Rachel's craniums.


But hold on, Stevyn and Lara: we can't let you get away that easily. Come on, just one last pose - perhaps with just a soupcon of camp thrown in? Could you? Indulge us. It's Christmas! Ah, there we go. That's the business:


Piers, however, is not amused:

24 comments:

Jennifer said...

It's photos like that, Mr Arnopp, that make me regret living in a different country from you all.

Lee said...

Really wish I'd been able to make it. One day, I swear, I'll be there. When you least expect it...

michellelipton said...

Ha! Brilliant!
But nevermind the ants Sir, what in god's name is going on with my hair...?

Piers said...

Static electricity.

Unbeknowst to you, I was powering a van der graaf generator behind you throughout the evening.

Lara said...

Jeez, what an excellent night. I've just laughed so hard at those pictures I think I need a gin...and a hoist. Now, if only I have cunningly removed my video camera from my bag and got Piers' OCD table arranging on film, this post would be perfect. xxx

potdoll said...

oooh, Oli is quite cute!

Phill Barron said...

I thought we had an agreement? You wouldn't post photos of me and I wouldn't stamp on your teeth.

Damn it, you've ruined it now ... what if people find out I'm ginger?

Jason Arnopp said...

I don't have any teeth left. The crack has done for them all.

Lucy said...

Don't lie love, it was me your beloved blog wife who knocked all your teeth out with a rolling pin last time we quarrelled over who had to put the blog-children Potdoll and James Moran to bed.

Now I'm going to stick it where the sun don't shine for NOT INVITING ME TO THIS. *SHRIEKS*

Lucy said...

PS. Potdoll - Oli may be cute, but he'll leave you at the blog altar rmbr! What a fiend.

Phill Barron said...

All those handsome bloggers and Oli's the only one who's cute?

Not only does he get a xxx xxxxxxxx AND an xxxxx but he gets the chicks too?

Must be the sweet stink of success.

michellelipton said...

And maybe all the swords?

Lucy said...

I'd pick you Phill over Oli any day - Michelle too. Oli's very nice but I'm still bitter after he turned down my blog proposal.

Phill Barron said...

So what you're saying is you'd pick me first after everyone else has turned you down?

Lucy said...

Basically, yes. But don't be disheartedmed. I'm ugly and fat.

potdoll said...

What is this Xxxx and xxxx that my future blog boyf Oli is getting?

Lara said...

Aaaah, Pots - you'll have to either ask him yourself or wait until he 'announces' it on his blog. Soz mate.

And you lot, stop bickering, please. All I can hear is my cyber rellies all nipping at eachother's binary through the ether. Enough. x

potdoll said...

ps Lucy I'm not sure you should be putting me in the same bed as James Moran as he has horror tendencies and I'm a very fragile porcelain dolly.

Oli said...

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. Shucks.

I'm still waiting for the xxxxx to agree the xxxxxx xxx and get the xxxxxxxxx through before I post any details on my xxxx. Sorry, that last one should have been 'blog'.

And whilst we're flinging compliments around, I thought Michelle's hair looked rather good and not at all zappy.

Had a great time, even though I was barely there before I had to get my train back to Cornwall. Devon? Devon? They eat babies there.

Dom Carver said...

Hold on, I wasn't invited either????? Damn you, sir, damn you and your toothless mouth.

Hannah 'no blog' B said...

I am distraught - distraught - that I missed this. See you at the next one.

Andy Phillips said...

There's something quite fun and electric about meeting bloggers in real life, isn't there?

But what of Mr. Arnopp? Why does he not appear in any photos?

Jason Arnopp said...

Andy: You're not wrong. You might as well chew on an electrical cable, it's that enlivening! As for why I'm not pictured (*adopts spooky voice*)... I was never... really... theeerrrrrrrre...

I also didn't handle invites. Still, if anyone else wants to pop up and moan, be my guest.

Lucy said...

I'm not moaning, just uttering homicidal threats. SO WATCH YOUR BACK ARNOPP.