Photo Requests

Now, the likes of James Moran, Danny Stack and Lucy Vee may have the monopoly on answering readers' scriptwriting queries, but I have clearly cornered the market on photo requests. I receive in excess of 25,700 photo requests per week, and frankly it's a struggle to keep up with them all.

While having a delightful holiday in Menorca over these last seven days with my good friend Jay Slater, however, I took the opportunity to finally satisfy some of the rabid demands. Here we go...

Q: Jason, Jason, Jason: whatever would you look like, doing double devil-horn signs by a large expanse of water in Menorca? I'd love to find out. Mrs W. Haversham, Sheffield.
A: Happy to oblige, Mrs Haversham. Here's your answer...



Q: Dear Jason, I'd really love to see a picture of you pushing a shopping trolley full of meat, charcoal and booze along a Menorcan street, while wearing a preposterous hat. Such a photograph would proper give me the horn. Regards, Dr D. Smith, Colorado.
A: Just for you, Dr Smith, here it is...



Q: Dear Jason, my husband and I have long pondered how you'd look, peeping cheekily over two pints of Guinness. In Menorca. Any chance? Mr & Mrs Pine, Egypt.
A: It was a stretch, this one, but I think I've pulled it off.



Q: How about a pic with one of your eyes looking through a wine glass, in Menorca? That'd be a hoot! Mr & Mrs Pine, Egypt.
A: How'd you like these apples, eh?



Q: Wearing that silly hat again, could you possibly pull a slightly camp facial expression by a steaming barbeque, in Menorca? That would make my week. And if you could throw in a bright yellow retro video games T-shirt, it'd make my whole damn year. Mrs P. Petersen, St Petersburg.
A: Only too happy to help, Mrs Petersen. In fact, this is my default photo-face, adopted in 99% of pictures. If you could see through the shades here, my eyes would be wide and not unlike the late Frankie Howerd's.



Q: My brother reckons you're the kind of guy who'd play pool quite aggressively in Menorca, pulling faces like some kind of 1980s heavy metal guitarist. Conversely, I think you'd be quite calm about the whole affair. Can you settle our bet? Anthony Jones, Leicester.
A: Anthony, I'm afraid your brother's won.



That's all we've got time for, sadly! Shame. Next up: that musical meme thang...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, saludos from Madrid (Spain). when you will return to London? you should stay in my city some days to talk, and drink, and drink, and drink, and drink, and drink... with the big guy Mr. Slater in person.
See you soon alive or dead
Antonio Busquets

Good Dog said...

That last photo.....

Are you acting out that scene from "10" with The Invisible Man?

Just thinking about it has made me sick up my own head.

Jason Arnopp said...

Hola Antonio! Jay and I were talking about you while we were in Menorca... in a good way. Are you going to San Sebastian this year? We must launch Banjo Boy: The Musical!

Mr Dog: I've deliberately made the photograph ambiguous. I like to feel that people can bring their own interpretations to it. See, if I was to voice my own interpretation, it might spoil what someone else was taking from it... blah... drone... blurble...

Dan Turner said...

The estate of Frankie Howard would like his face back, please.

Good Dog said...

So you're saying it's all down to my dirty mind?

.....

Actually, you know, that makes a lot of sense. Interesting.

Lee said...

Sorry about using that Dr Smith alias, but thanks for fulfilling my request. I will be walking with a limp all day, meatman.

James Moran said...

That barbecue pic looks like two very large, very ill, feral cats have done some massive poos on the grill. I hope you didn't let the steaks touch them?

Piers said...

Eyes not unlike the late Frankie Howerd?

What, eaten by worms?

No wonder you kept the sunglasses on.