Now, the likes of James Moran, Danny Stack and Lucy Vee may have the monopoly on answering readers' scriptwriting queries, but I have clearly cornered the market on photo requests. I receive in excess of 25,700 photo requests per week, and frankly it's a struggle to keep up with them all.
While having a delightful holiday in Menorca over these last seven days with my good friend Jay Slater, however, I took the opportunity to finally satisfy some of the rabid demands. Here we go...
Q: Jason, Jason, Jason: whatever would you look like, doing double devil-horn signs by a large expanse of water in Menorca? I'd love to find out. Mrs W. Haversham, Sheffield.
A: Happy to oblige, Mrs Haversham. Here's your answer...
Q: Dear Jason, I'd really love to see a picture of you pushing a shopping trolley full of meat, charcoal and booze along a Menorcan street, while wearing a preposterous hat. Such a photograph would proper give me the horn. Regards, Dr D. Smith, Colorado.
A: Just for you, Dr Smith, here it is...
Q: Dear Jason, my husband and I have long pondered how you'd look, peeping cheekily over two pints of Guinness. In Menorca. Any chance? Mr & Mrs Pine, Egypt.
A: It was a stretch, this one, but I think I've pulled it off.
Q: How about a pic with one of your eyes looking through a wine glass, in Menorca? That'd be a hoot! Mr & Mrs Pine, Egypt.
A: How'd you like these apples, eh?
Q: Wearing that silly hat again, could you possibly pull a slightly camp facial expression by a steaming barbeque, in Menorca? That would make my week. And if you could throw in a bright yellow retro video games T-shirt, it'd make my whole damn year. Mrs P. Petersen, St Petersburg.
A: Only too happy to help, Mrs Petersen. In fact, this is my default photo-face, adopted in 99% of pictures. If you could see through the shades here, my eyes would be wide and not unlike the late Frankie Howerd's.
Q: My brother reckons you're the kind of guy who'd play pool quite aggressively in Menorca, pulling faces like some kind of 1980s heavy metal guitarist. Conversely, I think you'd be quite calm about the whole affair. Can you settle our bet? Anthony Jones, Leicester.
A: Anthony, I'm afraid your brother's won.
That's all we've got time for, sadly! Shame. Next up: that musical meme thang...