Pulling Teeth

So there I was, this morning, lying on the dentist's chair. Talking to my very nice dentist about what I'd been doing since I saw him. Screenwriting, mainly.

"Screenwriting, eh?" he said unto me. "How does that work, then? Do you write the action stuff, like 'He walks through the door'?"

At this point, I wrestled him to the ground, grabbed a drill and intoned, "Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it? Is it?", entirely ignoring his terrified shrieks.


Phill Barron said...

It never ceases to amaze me how clueless people can be about what a scriptwriter actually does. It's hardly a technical term like Gaffer or Best Boy or Grip ... SCRIPT. WRITER.

The clue's in the title.

I can understand questions like:

"Do you write your own ideas or do you write what people tell you to?"

That's a sensible question with a very complicated answer; but:

"Do you write ALL the words?"

Strikes me as needlessly moronic. No, I just write every sixth word. Unless it's a Friday.

Oh wait, have I missed the point and gone off on a pointless rant?

Jason Arnopp said...

There's no such thing as a pointless Barron rant. Every one a gem!

Phill Barron said...

They didn’t let me, they didn’t let me because they was afraid. I didn’t want to eat their parakeet, but it wouldn’t BLOODY SHUT UP. An elephant? In Peckham? More like TAPIOCA.

Jason Arnopp said...

I take it all back. And Phill, I'll see that rant and raise you five egg-whisks and a fuck-HANDLE.

Hannah B said...

Normally people think that screenwriters just come up with the dialogue*, so your dentist is a step ahead of that at least, eh...?

How's yer gob?

* Possibly an idea enforced by certain actors thanking the writers for "all the wonderful words...".

Helen Smith said...

Your last day at work and you had a 'dentist's appointment' in the morning? Heh heh.

Incidentally, someone I know who writes for a soap always gets asked which character he writes for.

Phill Barron said...

Does he tell people he doesn't write a specific character, just a specific emotion?

At the moment he writes all the ambivalent lines, but he's hoping to move up to indignant anger because that's where the money is.