Friends In Low Places

You literally never know what you're about to see on the streets of Camden Town. It can be people, things, dead things, dead people... anything. One day, I saw an empty suitcase with two snails sitting on it (I moved them to safer green pastures, then realised I might have just fucked up the holiday they'd saved long and hard for). More recently, I saw an Iain M Banks novel on the pavement, with discarded female underwear draped over it. Try as I might, I couldn't work out the connection.

Today, while walking somewhere for lunch, I saw the entire Friends box-set - completely with little swingy doors - sitting on the pavement by a couple of wheelie bins. Once I'd pushed my eyeballs back into my head, I became suspicious. Was this some hidden-camera show set-up? If I grabbed this item, would boxing kangaroos emerge from each wheelie-bin and punch me out?

So I grabbed it, and the kangaroos either didn't exist, or stayed put. Got a few puzzled looks in the restaurant, what with having a Friends box-set sitting on the table with me, but I didn't care. It just made me intriguing. Oh yes.

Just one problem: I've noticed that the third disc of Series One is missing. And the swingy doors don't seem to shut properly. So I'd be delighted if whoever discarded the set could send the missing disc and some blue-tack to: 666 Ungrateful Street, NW1. Good day to you.

10 comments:

Rob Stickler said...

Put it back, Jason, for the love of all that's holy put it back.

You don't have time for watching ten series of America's blandest sit-com!

Jason Arnopp said...

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Stickler.

Otherwise, I'd have to reveal how rubbish you are at Scrabulous on Facebook. :)

Andy Goodman said...

How have you got time to go around and 'acquire' dodgy and incomplete sets of dubious Americana?

And you went out for lunch? LUNCH? Lunch is for girls! Get back to that laptop and punch out those three pages, young man!

Should be fifteen pages now, right? What's that? Twenty?

Jason Arnopp said...

I'm back on the laptop now, Mr Goodman. Sorry Mr Goodman. Sir.

Phill Barron said...

I'm quite impressed, if that helps?

Oli said...

Bought - bought I tell you - a complete set of Buffy disks, only to findone missing, and the scurrilous vendor refuse to send me a replacement. Never use eBay for anything costs more than £10, that way leads to pain and endless and increasingly curt e-mails.

Anyway, I download a DVD rip for all the episodes on the missing disk and burnt it onto DVD. It's not stealing if you should own it anyway, right? I suggest you do the same. Even if you didn't actually buy it in the first place ;)

Oli said...

Please excuse appalling grammar and proofing skills in the previous comment.

Rob Stickler said...

That was a cruel shot JA. Just cuz you're a big shot now!

The letters have been most unkind to me...

martin said...

okay, first the feature and the short then the short story. Okay, we can put that down to hard work and talent, but then the free tickets, and now this! You have clearly done a deal with the devil sir!

Have you got his contact details, maybe his e mail address so I can get one? ;)

Annie Rhiannon said...

I hate Iain M Banks books. Why can't he write more as Iain Banks? Pfft, sci-fi. I'll never get it.