Doctor Who Ultimate Art Auction!

I was asked to donate a piece of art to The Ultimate Doctor Who Art Auction Round 2, organised by the tireless Robin Miller in aid of London's Great Ormond Street Hospital, Maggie's and Children With Cancer UK.  So I produced this extraordinary work.  Just soak in the QUALITY of it.  Take a moment.  Yeah.

So that's up for grabs in the new auction and I'm pleased to say it's had a few bids.  But here's the thing: loads of other, way more thrilling Doctor Who-related people have donated unique pieces of art...

We're talking people like Russell Tovey, Bill Bailey, Closing Time director Steve Hughes, Sontaran performer Dan Starkey, Olivia Colman, The Doctor, The Widow & The Wardrobe director Farren Blackburn, Sarah Parish, Robert Shearman and loads more.  Click on any of these names to be taken to their auction.  Hopefully this link should take you to all of Robin's auctions, which also include some Olympic-themed material.

Robin Miller's blog is here.  What a splendid gentleman.  Anyway, what are you waiting for?  Go buy some art!

Black Weekend Book Blitz!

Wanted to let you know a couple of things, you insane GOOSE.

Thing Number One: JMR Higgs' book KLF: Chaos Magic Music Money is now available at Amazon.  This, you may recall, is the book which made me think our neighbour was going to burn the building down.  It's a potentially dangerous and quite brilliant affair.  Even if you have only a passing interest in The KLF, you'll find this to be a deeply unusual and compelling music biography, which examines the idea that Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty burned one million pounds in August 1994 because they were unwitting pawns of Chaos.  Much like John's short novel The Brandy Of The Damned, it leaves you with the strange feeling that your world view has shifted on its axis.

A couple of interesting web-things accompany the book.  The most elaborate is a pop-up radio station called Radio Eris.  This auto-broadcasts Discordian theories, interview clips, music and more into the void.  It is also programmed to broadcast one chapter of John's book every day, four times per day, spoken by a synthetic voice.  You'll also want to check out the Tumblr blog which John has created for the book, quite simply entitled The Fuckers Burned The Lot.

KLF: Chaos Magic Music Money isn't technically on a Black Friday-style offer, but having said that I think John has priced it too cheaply.  So it may as well be.  Examine it at Amazon UK or Amazon US.

Thing Number Two: I'm getting into the Black Weekend spirit by offering a 10% discount on the price of one format of my supernatural story A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home, from now 'til Sunday.

The format in question is the grandly-named Bespoke Deluxe Paper Edition.  This is a specially personalised version of the tale, snail-mailed to your home as a physical letter.  And of course, A Sincere Warning... is SET in your home.  So, all things considered, it's an unsettling experience.  Readers have reported everything from loss of sleep to inability to sleep, which means they may go mad and/or die.  So please do tread carefully.

Besides the obvious advantages of a 10% discount, it's best to get your order in soon if you're planning to receive the Bespoke Deluxe Paper Edition by Christmas.  If you want to buy it for someone as a gift, as many people have, I can write the words 'Do not open until Christmas' on the back of the envelope.  Just say the words.

The Bespoke Deluxe Paper Edition of A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home can be ordered at the story's official web page here: ScaryLetter.com

Have yourself a splendid weekend.  And if you're reading this in the amazing year 2037, do take a moment to reminisce about how splendid that weekend was.

Fellow authors: in Comments below, feel free to tell us about any Black Friday/Black Weekend promotions you have on the go.  Don't be shy, now.  Authors offering special deals this weekend only, please!

A Sincere Postmortem

Yesterday, I made my book A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home free for the day on all Amazon sites.

As this was a first-time experiment for me, I thought it might be interesting to hold a quick 'postmortem' (as we always used to call the weekly examination of the last issue of Kerrang!, way back when I worked on that magazine).  This might also be useful for other Kindle authors who are considering the same 'free day' course of action.

First of all: a word on how you set up these free days on Amazon.  You have to join the KDP Select programme, which has been controversial for some.  It requires your title to become digitally exclusive to Amazon for 90 days, during which time Amazon Prime members will be able to rent your book for free (while you earn a fee for each rental) and you can also make your book free for a maximum of five days during this period.  You can then schedule a free promotion by entering the date and the price magically drops to zero (roughly) when you want it to.

The day went very well.  At the final count, I gave away over 1200 free copies of A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home in 24 hours, which strikes me as a result for an event with no paid advertising.  The book reached #3 in Amazon's Kindle Store Horror chart and #101 in Kindle's overall Free chart.  When you consider that Amazon now offers thousands of free books every day, the latter isn't a bad achievement (and in fact, in the early hours of morning, as the promotion was about to end, the book finally breached the Top 100 and hit #87).  Here are some worthwhile things to note:
    The cover of A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home by Jason Arnopp
  • When you announce via social media that something's free, folk are more likely to very kindly RT a tweet or share a Facebook update.  This is almost certainly because they're no longer passing along a sales pitch, but instead offering their friends something for nothing.  An opportunity.
  • Various sites are set up to tell readers about cheap or free ebooks.  It's well worth telling these sites about your free promotion in advance.  Some of the bigger sites require several weeks' notice, while a couple I encountered only wanted to hear about it on the day when the book was already free.  A few of sites which helpfully ran editorial pieces on the A Sincere Warning... promotion were Book Goodies, The Kindle Book Review, EFreeBooks.org and Snickslist.com. Some sites also offer 'guaranteed placement' features at the relatively low cost of $5 or $10.  Before you hand over cash to them, it's worth assessing their popularity by glancing at how many Twitter followers they have, for instance.
  • A Sincere Warning... is a 10,000-word short story and I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who seemed to read it straight after downloading.  Some wrote new Amazon reviews, which was great.  Many tweeted that they "won't be sleeping tonight", which is always a compliment for a ghost story.
  • One thing I hadn't prepared for, was how grateful people are for a free book, even in this age of rampant freebies, legal or otherwise.  Plenty of people thanked me via Twitter, which was nice.  I tried to thank everybody back - and also those who took the trouble to retweet plugs.
  • There was a discernible knock-on effect to sales of my other Kindle fiction book, Beast In The Basement, which began to shift more copies than usual and entered the Top 100 charts for Thriller and Horror.  The back section of A Sincere Warning... carries an advert for Beast, which may have been a significant factor in that knock-on effect.
  • Many of the effects of a promotion like this may not be immediately obvious.  People may not read the book for days, weeks, months, years, before potentially spreading the word to friends or writing an Amazon review.  The main thing, though, is that your work is now sitting on the devices of a fair deal of people who might not otherwise have encountered you.  For instance, a few people downloaded the book via Amazon Japan, a market which I hadn't so much as scratched up until now.  Getting your work out there is important for any author.
  • These promotions probably lose effectiveness through repetition.  If I ever run one again, it will be after Christmas.
Sorry if you missed the promotion.  You'll be glad to hear, though, that the regular price of A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home - a supernatural story which takes place in YOUR home - is a mere £0.96 (€1.18 or $1.49).  If you like, you can pick it up at the links below:

Amazon UK 
Amazon US
Amazon Germany
Amazon France
Amazon Italy
Amazon Spain
Amazon Japan

Official page ScaryLetter.com also has details of the Bespoke Deluxe Paper Edition: a personalised, physical letter sent to your home address!  Nothing better to scare the life out of you.

                                                                         * * *

My horror novella Beast In The Basement is a dark, twisted tale of obsession, revenge, censorship, blame culture and parental responsibility.  In a big house in the countryside, an increasingly unstable author toils over a new hotly-anticipated novel which will close the best-selling trilogy of Jade Nexus books.  A violent incident tips him into a downward spiral with horrific consequences.  Read it before someone spoilers you!  Beast is available for Kindle (which can be read on most devices) at Amazon UK, Amazon US and more.  More details here.

My Amazon-acclaimed non-fiction ebook How To Interview Doctor Who, Ozzy Osbourne And Everyone Else is out now on Amazon UK, Amazon US and Amazon Germany, among others.  You can also buy it direct from me, in a Triple Pack of all three major file-types (PDF, ePub, Kindle), via PayPal.  Full details here, you splendid individual.

How to Interview Doctor Who, Ozzy Osbourne and Everyone Else

Fight For Fighting Fantasy

When I was a kid, I liked books.  Perhaps not quite as much as I liked watching, say, Doctor Who, or whichever horror films I could get away with, but I liked them.

In 1982, one series of books ensured that my nose would remain buried in books for a fair chunk of the decade.  Fighting Fantasy books hit Britain's high streets in a big way: interactive affairs in which YOU were the hero, flitting between paragraphs in a decidedly non-linear fashion, in order to determine how a continually branching storyline would proceed.

The 'gamebook' was born.  At that point, I had already been reading the US-born Choose Your Own Adventure books, but those were far more simplistic in structure and content, clearly being aimed at children.  Fighting Fantasy offered a darker and more layered world altogether.  You needed to roll dice too, and I'm always on the lookout for an excuse to do that.  These books were also created and written by real heavyweights.  Even back then, Ian Livingstone and Steve Jackson had already co-founded the role-playing games colossus Games Workshop with John Peake in 1980.  Ian would go on to earn an OBE, while Steve became an honorary professor.

I read the second book first: Citadel Of Chaos blew me away.  Then came Warlock Of Firetop Mountain, Forest Of Doom, City Of Thieves and the mighty Deathtrap Dungeon which really should be a film.  Strangely, the sci-fi slanted Fighting Fantasy books like Starship Traveller never appealed to me: I wanted dungeons and demons all the way.  Stuff like the series' tenth entry House Of Hell, which was precisely as scary as it sounded.  There is no doubt that the Fighting Fantasy books nurtured my imagination and my love of immersive fiction.

Great artwork from City Of Thieves
I didn't stop at Fighting Fantasy, either.  I bought any books which involved dice and decision-making.  Ian and Steve's brainchild led the way for a plethora of other series, including Lone Wolf, Golden Dragon, GrailQuest, Way Of The Tiger and Demonspawn.  It also expanded its own universe: Steve Jackson's epic Sorcery! series, which climaxed with surely the all-time biggest gamebook in The Crown Of Kings, is one of my favourite things ever and I'm very happy to learn that Inkle Studios will be bringing it to iPad and iPhone next year.

While a whole generation of these gamebooks' readers would inevitably grow up to become distracted by sex, drink and rock 'n' roll, many Fighting Fantasy fans have come home to roost over the last decade.  The series lives on: this year, Ian Livingstone celebrated its 30th anniversary by writing a brand new FF title, Blood Of The Zombies.  Select titles have also been given a new lease of life on smartphone apps, which handle all those dice rolls for you electronically - handy for the businessman, for instance, who might feel self-conscious about 'rolling the bones' on a train.  These apps have also taken the wonderful step of colourising the amazing artwork which helped make these books so very evocative.

So why am I writing about Fighting Fantasy books now?  Apart from the momentous nature of their 30th year, there's the matter of a new documentary about the series.  The documentary is called Turn To 400, in reference to the fact that the FF books always consist of 400 numbered segments.

"That's great!" you say.  "Where can I get hold of this documentary and rekindle some wonderful feelings of nostalgia?"  Well you can't yet and you won't be able to, unless you join me in backing Turn To 400's Kickstarter campaign.

You can throw in as little as £1 or as much as you like.  It all helps and there are some nice physical incentives on offer besides receiving the doc itself: T-shirts, USB keys and the like.  As I write, the total is around £7000.  Unless that total reaches £40,000 in the next 14 days, documentary-maker Sean Riley won't receive the money already pledged (yes, I know, Kickstarter's a funny business in some ways, echoing the all-or-nothing format of Dragons' Den) and may not be made.

I'd really like to see this documentary completed and glowing out of my television into my brain.  So please consider making a pledge, spreading the word to others or both.  If you choose to do either of these, please add 5 LUCK points.  I thank you.

Turn To 400's Kickstarter campaign page

Turn To 400's Facebook page

Ian Livingstone on Twitter

                                                                         * * *

Want to feel afraid in your own home?  My 10,000-word short story A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home can help.  Presented as a letter to YOU which is delivered to YOUR house, this grave warning from the previous resident tells you things you really don't want to hear.  A Sincere Warning... can be purchased as a low-cost ebook or as a uniquely personalised physical letter which is mailed to your home address!  Full details at ScaryLetter.com

My horror novella Beast In The Basement is a dark, twisted tale of obsession, revenge, censorship, blame culture and parental responsibility.  In a big house in the countryside, an increasingly unstable author toils over a new hotly-anticipated novel which will close the best-selling trilogy of Jade Nexus books.  A violent incident tips him into a downward spiral with horrific consequences.  Read it before someone spoilers you!  Beast is available for Kindle (which can be read on most devices) at Amazon UK, Amazon US and more.  More details here.

My Amazon-acclaimed non-fiction ebook How To Interview Doctor Who, Ozzy Osbourne And Everyone Else is out now on Amazon UK, Amazon US and Amazon Germany, among others.  You can also buy it direct from me, in a Triple Pack of all three major file-types (PDF, ePub, Kindle), via PayPal.  Full details here, you splendid individual.

How to Interview Doctor Who, Ozzy Osbourne and Everyone Else

A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home: An Excerpt


Dear friend,

This is no chain letter, hoax or prank.

It is a sincere warning about your home and the entity which dwells within.

Your home has been haunted for quite some time.

I am sorry that I could not personally deliver this document.  I did not even post it myself.  The postmark on the envelope will not help you, should you ever attempt to locate me.  When this letter is complete, I shall entrust a friend in another country with repackaging and sending it on my behalf.  This letter also may or may not have been translated from its original language.

You do not know me.   You must never know me.

Neither do I know you, beyond your name, address and appearance.  I have seen you in person but you have not seen me.

Think back to the day that you moved into your home.  I contrived to pass by as you stood outside.  I saw your face, but you did not so much as glance my way.  I did not stop moving: I simply committed your face to memory and departed before you became aware of my presence.

Why did I want to see you?

I suppose my conscience drove me to it.  Just as it compels me to finally write this letter.

I wanted to see exactly who I was passing the entity on to.

Chances are, you already know this thing only too well.  I may be preaching to the converted, in which case I hope you will at least draw comfort from the fact that my partner (who I shall refer to as Tom, although he may or may not be male) and I once knew your misery.

The entity exists within your home.  You may not be aware of this yet and I suppose you may not thank me for informing you.  But please trust me: it is present.

You see, Tom and I lived at your address in the years prior to your arrival.

I feel for you, my friend, because I am partly responsible for your situation.  You are stuck with this apparition.  I am afraid I cannot tell you how to free yourself.  I can only pass on certain warnings and ideas for coping with it and keeping matters somewhat under control.



Tom and I were happy enough when we moved in.  The location was fine for our purposes.  I will not disclose our professions, but we worked in very different sectors.  Everything seemed to be going our way.  We had been together for seven years.  We had each other.  We had our health.

You only tend to appreciate such things when they are gone.

I was pleased with most aspects of our new home.  The kitchen sink could be difficult at times, as you may also have discovered, but what really bothered me was sleep.  I had always been a sound sleeper: I never even had cause to think about it.  So after a year of residence there, I was surprised when my nocturnal patterns took a turn for the worse.

I would wake in fits and starts throughout the night.  I was no longer getting the deep sleep, the ‘REM sleep’.

In the dead of night I would stir, blink and wonder why I was suddenly conscious.  Sometimes Tom would already be awake and we’d peer at each other, bleary and confused.

Often as I was drifting off to sleep, I would snap awake, my whole body jolting.  Other times I would feel paralysed while asleep and had to struggle to wake myself back up.  It felt like I was drowning, breathless, lost in the pitch-black fathoms of the night.

Since Tom shared my symptoms, I was reassured.  Selfish I know, but truthful.

We tried turning the mattress over.  We tried new pillows.  A new duvet.  Nothing changed the apparent fact that we had lost the ability to sleep well.

I am sure much of this will sound familiar to you.  If not, then believe me it will.

Two years after moving in, Tom and I were far more fatigued than we should have been, even given how hard we worked.  Some mornings we would feel as though we had not slept at all, suffering from headaches and barely able to peel open our eyes.

Tom would always call it “the unfair hangover”, since we drank moderately.  Or at least, we did when this all began.  Later on, I would often drink heavily just to help myself through the night.



I am already surprising myself by giving you more detailed information than I had intended.

When I began this letter, I wanted to briefly and bluntly outline your situation, offer you some useful advice and get out of here.  Yet writing this document is a potent source of catharsis for me.  Maybe I will give you a full account of our experience.  I have time on my hands and here, in my part of the world, the day is young.

So.  Those unfair hangovers became a daily occurrence.  We learned to keep Ibuprofen on bedside tables to deal with the morning headaches.  When we awoke feeling like death, knowing we’d have to deal with the latest heavy schedules at work, strong coffee became our saviour.  If I could, I would have eaten the raw coffee beans.

My lack of sleep gave everything an unreal tinge and a sluggish inertia.

I seized upon a diagnosis of carbon monoxide poisoning, but subsequent, hastily-arranged professional tests led to nothing.

I installed a carbon monoxide detector by the fridge, which continued to produce negative results.

Tom and I both made silly mistakes at work.  Cracks were really beginning to show.  In my line of work in particular, this was unacceptable.  It would cause major problems and put other people’s lives at risk.

One night before bed, I found myself staring into the bathroom mirror, surrounded by darkness.  Virtually in a state of fugue, I barely realised what I was doing.

I peered into my own reflected eyes, vaguely wondering when Tom and I might grab a decent night’s sleep like everyone else in the world.

In a flash, those mirrored eyes transformed.  They became blank with a grim-blue tinge, staring right back at me.

I recoiled, afraid to meet that unearthly gaze again.  Gripping the sink, I struggled to calm my breathing.

When I finally dared to look back into the glass, my eyes had returned to normal.  I blinked and the reflected eyes followed suit, making me sag with relief.

It struck me just how dog-tired I was.  I was seeing things which were not there.

As I lay beside Tom, I silently debated telling him about the mirror.  I chose not to.

A few nights later, I heard him yell something in the bathroom.  Dashing through, I found my partner with his hands over his face and his back to the mirror.  He was actually crying, which disturbed me.  I’d always thought of Tom as strong and reined-in.  Exhaustion had rendered us overwrought, forcing our emotions to the surface.

Coaxing his hands away from his face, I gently encouraged him to open his wet eyes, but he would not.

“They changed,” he said, gently sobbing as we embraced.  “My eyes.”

I hated the thought of him feeling alone.  “Mine did too.  They became... blank, right?”

Tom looked so astonished and shaken.

“We’re just tired,” I said.  “That’s all it is.”

We practically collapsed onto the mattress and drifted off into sweet, precious sleep.  Sadly, Tom and I now did little else on that bed.

The next thing I knew, maybe two hours later, there came a gurgling, choking sound.

A bizarre, grating rasp.

I jerked awake with a start.  As usual, I didn’t know why I had woken up.

Threads of moonlight illuminated great strips of the room.  Everything was so very silent, as though we were in a vacuum.

There was a strange, heavy feeling in the air.

Wondering why I felt so apprehensive, I cautiously studied the room.

Then I saw it.

The small, dark figure.

It was little more than a silhouette.  The silhouette of what resembled a small child, perched on the foot of the bed with its back to me.

As if sensing my gaze upon it, the figure seemed to drop smoothly, soundlessly down towards the floor, out of sight.

My whole body seized up, the bed sheets bunched tightly in my hands.

I stared down the bed’s length at the spot where the figure had been.

Had it really been there or was it a shadow, a trick of the light?  Was I dreaming?

I wondered what the hell to do.

Mindful not to wake Tom, I gently shrugged the covers aside and grabbed a torch from under the bedside table.  Being the careful type I always kept one there, wherever I was in the world.

As my bare feet touched the floor (which was carpeted in those days – you or an agent may since have had this removed), I shivered, expecting something to grab me.  When nothing did, I rose to my feet.

I crept around to the foot of the bed and examined the area where I’d seen that figure.  Even shone the torch on it.  I surveyed the floor and everywhere else I could think of.

I found nothing.  I had no idea of what I was even looking for.  But in the pit of my stomach, there was an unquestionable disturbance.

Had I witnessed the supernatural?

No.  That ‘thing’ at the end of the bed had been an illusion, made all the more tangible by my feeble state of mind.  No sense in adding to my problems.

Over some much-needed coffee, a friend suggested that Tom or I might be snoring.  We hadn’t considered this possibility as neither of us had ever experienced the issue.  Like Tom, I kept myself trim enough and it seemed to me that excess body weight was a primary cause of snoring.

Research, however, quickly brought me the facts: snoring could be borne of several factors, including smoking (which neither of us did), sleeping position and allergy.

I decided to run a test.  My God, how I wanted snoring to be the answer.  This nightly problem threatened to wreck our livelihoods and relationship.  Tom and I were become short-tempered.  Our usual saintly patience for each other’s defects was running low.  One evening, what would normally have been a good-natured debate over the washing-up became a screaming row.  Tom even smashed a plate on the cooker.

Devouring more research, I was concerned to read about Sleep Apnoea, a disorder involving abnormal pauses of breath.  It could even prove fatal.  I remembered that choking, gurgling sound, which had stopped abruptly as I awoke.  It seemed to fit the bill, which made me wonder if I did have this illness.  Perhaps I really was snoring all night, waking both myself and Tom up on a regular basis.

I decided to record us both asleep, for the duration of the night.  This would surely find us some answers.

Having prepared the recording device, I tried to sleep.  My memories dredged up that shadow-child on the foot of the bed.  With a shudder, I tried to forget him.  Medical science could, and would, explain all this.  It had to...

All content copyright Jason Arnopp 2012.  The full story is 10,000 words in length.  It can be bought either as a low-cost Amazon ebook or as the Bespoke Deluxe Paper Edition - a personalised, physical letter mailed to your home.

A SINCERE WARNING ABOUT THE ENTITY IN YOUR HOME is available in ebook form at...

Amazon UK , Amazon USAmazon GermanyAmazon France,
Amazon ItalyAmazon SpainAmazon Japan

Official page ScaryLetter.com carries full details of the Bespoke Deluxe Paper Edition: a personalised, physical letter mailed to your home address.

"I Will Make Sure You Burn!" - The Writer's Mind & The KLF

I was woken at 5.21 this morning by violent shouting.

Half asleep, I couldn't tell whether this shouting was happening in the streets below, or next door on the other side of the bedroom wall.  It had been loud enough to wake me and was certainly a very vocal debate between a man and a woman.

My reaction was mainly irritation until the man yelled, "I will make sure you burn!".

This phrase was barked out in a style very much befitting a man deranged.  More like "I.  Will.  Make.  Sure.  You.  BURN!", but slightly less staccato.

Anyway, it was mad.  And silence reigned afterwards.  No more shouting.

I got out of bed, heart rate steadily rising as the writer's mind kicked in...

Suddenly, in my head, the woman was tied to a chair, gagged, eyes wide as the man splashed petrol over her.  Or he'd knocked her unconscious and was now spinning dials on the gas cooker, opening the valves, letting the flat next door - because it was now the flat next door, or this wouldn't be a dramatic threat - fill with noxious, flammable fumes.  Any minute now, he would leave that flat and hurl a lit Zippo lighter back in through the letterbox.  The flat would explode.  What would that do to our flat?  Would ours explode too?  Why the hell didn't we live in a detached house?  There'd be none of this bother then.

Last year I read a Stephen King interview in which he said, and I'm paraphrasing, "The writer understands that the worst possible things can happen at any moment".  And so it was that I found myself darting out of our bedroom and gazing out through the spyhole at the corridor outside, anxiously looking for signs of smoke.

My girlfriend Esther slept on, oblivious.  A small, quietly frantic part of me wondered if I should wake her, just in case we would need to grab some irreplaceable items and get the hell out of there.  (What would those items be?)  Another part of me remembered that the entire building is now encased with scaffolding, which would allow us an escape route in the event of a blaze, albeit a perilous one for people who are not builders.

I got dressed, carefully unlocked our door and ventured out into the corridor, padding up along it, looking for smoke, my senses keenly alive.  I paused outside our neighbours' door and listened.

Nothing.

One sudden sound made me jump, but it seemed to be coming from above.

I crept back inside our home.  A mere few seconds later, there was activity in the corridor.  Peering out through the spyhole, I saw a young man walk into view and start talking through the letterbox of the flat opposite, who clearly didn't want to let him in.  This was a different flat entirely to the direct neighbours' flat, which may or may not now have been a blazing inferno.  A hushed conversation ensued, which I couldn't make out.  Something about keys and "judgement" about someone "acting like an idiot".  Eventually, the man walked back off along the corridor, talking into his mobile.

Was this incident connected to the narrative I'd constructed about the homicidal madman who was about to make sure a woman burned?

Because, as I eventually came to accept, somewhere around dawn, a constructed narrative was what it was.

The yelled argument almost certainly happened in the street outside.  The words "I will make sure you burn" were almost certainly never spoken.  The hushed conversation through the letterbox was almost certainly either a coincidence or connected to the street-based argument from earlier, as opposed to the imaginary argument next door involving petrol, Zippo lighters and horrendous death.

There was no smoke and therefore no fire.

I sat down to write this post, intending it to make the point that writers will always dream up the worst case scenario, which is both a strength artistically (because it theoretically gives us a neverending stream of material) and a weakness in day-to-day existence (although I'm convinced that one day my overly skittish imagination will save my life).

All of which is true.  Only now, though, do I realise that this incident was largely down to John Higgs.

John Higgs, as JMR Higgs, is the author of the fictional The Brandy Of The Damned and the non-fictional I Have America Surrounded: The Life Of Timothy Leary.  Both are great and highly recommended.

He has also written a thoroughly unorthodox biography about early '90s dance crew The KLF, entitled KLF: Chaos Magic Music Money (September 2013 update: it's now called The KLF: Chaos, Magic And The Band Who Burned A Million Pounds, released through Phoenix.)  I finished reading the manuscript yesterday.

It is a quite brilliant and fascinating book which rather blew my mind, telling the story of The KLF's Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty in a way which, depending on your belief system, suggests they were mere pawns in a game orchestrated by Chaos.  Or maybe even by the Devil himself.  It's an ingeniously woven narrative which takes in the assassination of JFK, Discordianism, Situationism, 9/11, the Illuminatus! trilogy, Doctor Who, Alan Moore's concept of Ideaspace and all sorts.

The book is also shot through with fire.  The KLF, of course, famously burned one million pounds of their own money on the Isle of Jura, up in the Hebrides, back in August 1994.  Cauty and Drummond were generally preoccupied with burning things.

Higgs has a gift for crawling under his readers' scalps and messing with their heads.  It's no coincidence that, the very night after finishing KLF: Chaos Magic Music Money, I heard the shouted words "I will make sure you burn!".

It is, after all, an odd thing to say, even in the heat of the moment, if you'll pardon the pun.

If I hadn't read KLF: Chaos Magic Music Money - a book all about conscious and unconscious connections; about how we perceive life through certain models and how ideas can powerfully and perhaps magically affect the real world, taking on a life of their own - I would almost certainly have heard something else shouted.  Something which was still aggressive, but wouldn't have made me fear for my life and property, anticipating a sudden tumultuous wave of fiery destruction.

John Higgs, The KLF, The Justified Ancients of Mummu, Discordians, the goddess Eris and countless other key players: you all have a great deal to answer for.

The KLF: Chaos, Magic And The Band Who Burned A Million Pounds by JMR Higgs is out in paperback and Kindle now, via Phoenix.  Here it is, at Amazon UK and Amazon US.

In Comments below, please tell us of a time when your writer's mind ran away with itself in a real-life situation...

UPDATE: you can now read my and Higgs' work combined, in a special low-priced ebook entitled Brandy In The Basement.

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Kindle Fiction Updates

Hello!  Now you look great, but please stop grooming yourself and listen up.

In September, my novella Beast In The Basement was fired into the eyeballs of an unsuspecting public.  It's a twisty, turny, shocky horror-thriller story about personal responsibility, revenge, obsession and censorship.

Then in October came A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home.  That one's a short (well, if you can call 10,000 words short) ghost story which simply aims to scare the hell out of you.

This post is a bite-sized news buffet about what's going on with these two books.  An update smorgasbord, if you will.  Here goes...

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A few weeks back, something unexpected happened with A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home.  I released it in two versions: a Kindle ebook and a personalised, physical letter which could be snail-mailed to your home.

I expected maybe 1 in 500 people to order the letter, especially as it's much more expensive than the £0.96 ebook.  But no - there was a veritable deluge of orders, which was thrilling.  At one point, the Bespoke Deluxe Paper Edition was selling as well as the ebook.

I've really enjoyed putting these letters together for people and will no doubt continue to do so if orders continue.  It takes a fair deal of work to tailor each one specifically to the recipient in several key ways, but it's worth it.  I'm indebted to the walking ideas machine John Higgs (whose novella The Brandy Of The Damned is a must-read) for an extra idea which capitalises on the physical nature of a letter.  The reactions have been great and this story seems to have genuinely scared people.  Even more so when it arrives on their doormat addressed to them.

So that's been a barrel-load of fun.  A couple of lovely people have picked up on the physical letter idea and interviewed me about it.  Take a bow Michelle Goode, who quizzes me on her Write So Fluid blog here, and Leila Johnston who fires questions my way at The Literary Platform here.  If you run a site/blog and would like to interrogate me like some vicious drill sergeant, just e-mail me here.

A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home has received a splendid review at The Reluctant Geek and hopefully others will follow.  Again, send review requests here.  Some of my favourite Amazon reviews of the book can be found here, here and indeed here.

Beast In The Basement has also pulled in some fine and often rather flattering reviews.  Here's a list of links to review in which people say nice things about it.

Starburst magazine
The British Fantasy Society
The Eloquent Page
El Dink
The Reluctant Geek (features a couple of interview quotes from me)
Byte The Book
Circus Hooker Smut Regime (as you might imagine from the name, this site is Not Safe For Work)
Fan Girl Confessions

I'm pleased to say that I haven't had to be selective in finding good reviews as (touch wood), there has yet to be a bad one - even a three-star Amazon review was very complimentary!

Here's an interview with me at Starburst magazine's site, which focuses on Beast.

This interview at the nicely-designed You've Got Red On You mainly focuses on the film Stormhouse, but also discusses horror in general and mentions Beast.

Since Beast's release, Amazon Prime members in the US have been able to borrow it for free from the Kindle Lending Library (see here).  As of October 25, UK Amazon Prime members can now do the same (see here).  No need for guilt either, as participating authors in the Kindle Select scheme are paid each time their book is borrowed.  Everyone's a winner.  (UPDATE November 11: you can now borrow A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home for free too.)

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I'm very happy with how these books have performed, and may well publish more fiction direct to Kindle next year.  I do have two non-fiction Kindle projects in the works.

In the meantime, since these two fiction books haven't gone the traditional publishing route and have zero marketing budget, I'd appreciate any help you can give them.

If you read and enjoy either book, please consider helping out, whether it's just by hitting 'Like' on the book's Amazon page, telling a friend, tweeting, status-updating or writing a review (which is such a big, big help).

Total truth: everyone who helps either Beast In The Basement or A Sincere Warning About The Entity In Your Home is guaranteed one angel wing in Heaven.  And everyone who helps both books gets two.  And let's face it, two will be handy.  Good day to you!

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A SINCERE WARNING ABOUT THE ENTITY IN YOUR HOME at...
Amazon UK 
Amazon US
Amazon Germany
Amazon France
Amazon Italy
Amazon Spain
Amazon Japan
Official page ScaryLetter.com, with details of the Bespoke Paper and Electronic Editions.

BEAST IN THE BASEMENT at...
Amazon UK
Amazon US
Amazon Germany
Amazon France
Amazon Italy
Amazon Spain
Amazon Japan
Official page HorrorNovella.com

You don't need a Kindle in order to read Kindle books.  Here's Amazon's handy guide.